God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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