Old men and throwing up are my life now.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
