I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
