very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
