SEEEEXXX PLEASE
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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