The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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