My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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