I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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