Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
honey bunches of taint.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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