Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
