Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We have so much sex to catch up on
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
