I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
