i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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