He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
