you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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