Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
