he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
