p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
