I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
