ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
