I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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