the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
