Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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