So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
smell my finger.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
