I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize