i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
They have beer where we have blood.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
