Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
