she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
