i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Randomize
