i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
