At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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