if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
