well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
