I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Randomize
