So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
