Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
