you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think my moral compass just broke
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
