Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
