When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
