I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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