I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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