My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
