My brain says no but my pants say off.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
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