I'm pants shitting drunk right now
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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