I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
