I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
