so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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