ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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