you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
