Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
