I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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