Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
