Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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