My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
