PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
