I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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