Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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