We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
