her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
