I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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