Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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