So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
