I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
