The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
