Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
