I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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