Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
