It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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