i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Randomize
