i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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