Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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