everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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