Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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