The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
