why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
