I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
