Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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