that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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