Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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