Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
