Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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