He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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