I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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