Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
