Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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