...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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