Sry I called you an 8
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
