I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Drake has all the answers
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
