Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
