Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
