I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
