I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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