I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
