I want to stick my p in your. b.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
