hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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