You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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