Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
