Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
